Let’s catch up.
For those of you still interested in what’s going on in Casa de Kerr, thank you! To be perfectly honest it’s been a bit of a rollercoaster. From trying to balance work and my personal life while also still in the middle of the pandemic. Get a cup of tea or a glass of wine because this will be quite the lengthy post...
Without going into too many details I was having constant panic attacks, crying almost every other day, my sleep was off and just falling into a real anxiety driven spiral. The cause? Multiple things but mainly extreme burnout. I’ve always been the person to crack a joke or speak up when things get uncomfortable. In team huddles I would usually keep the peace and be positive but it was catching up to me. Putting on this front that everything was somewhat okay when clearly they were far from it. I felt like I was failing at every little thing, exhausted and overall just extremely overwhelmed. For once I finally practiced what I would always tell my friends and loved one’s all the time...practice real self-love. I reached out to my doctor and explained everything truthfully with just how low things got for me and my mental and physical health. I decided (+ with my doctors recommendation) to take some time away from my job and go back into therapy since it was starting to really effect my physical and mental health to a very low point. I felt like a failure at first for not being able to “just push through” and just deal with it. Then came the guilt of stepping away from a job that so many people have been without due to the pandemic. Also for leaving my team so quickly but thankfully everyone has been supportive while I take the time away to refocus on my life and health. Which at it’s core should be my top priority.
Fast forward to me starting week 3 of being away and I gotta say I’ve already seen the difference. I’m by no means perfect and still trying to figure out how best to move forward in all aspects but literally taking things day by day. Trying to focus on what my therapist and doctor recommend to cope and heal from lots of various factors in my life especially within the last year. I’ve also enjoyed reading again (shocker I know!) even Danny was surprised. But, all of that to say ya girl is taking the time to focus on things that bring me joy and deal with some other heavy stuff I haven’t fully dealt with yet.
Some highlights from the last two weeks that have brought me joy:
Frolicking around Filoli with my mom for a much needed mother/daughter day in one of favorite places surrounded my flowers in full bloom.
Went for a drive to Pescadero with my mom, siblings and Danny. It was so refreshing to take in some fresh air along the coast with my fam and pick up some local Artichoke bread. Also, my sis is finally back home from being in Hawaii for school. So we were reunited!
Fully enjoying my backyard space. My little herb garden is finally growing! We’ve also been getting some hummingbird/bird visitors lately with everything in full bloom
Finding a POC therapist and having a weekly routine to check in. I clicked with her from the start and she already makes me feel so understood without any judgement.
A long walk through Golden Gate park with a coworker/friend of mine whose been in a vary similar situation that I’m currently in. Thank you Nikki for literally staying on the phone with me while I was having a panic attack and checking in and helping me through the whole logistical process too. You are heaven sent my friend!
More bike rides around the city.
More time to brainstorm creative ideas and potentially starting a Patreon (More info to come later on final details...eek!)
A weekend with our wedding photographer turned close friend Teri. We explored the city, went vinyl shopping and cooked a yummy dinner together. Filled with lots of chats with a side of vino. Always a good time when she’s here visiting. Oh and she snuck in a mini shoot for us and the pictures came out beautiful. Thank you again, we love how they turned out!
A coffee date with my friend Joc who I haven’t seen IRL in over 1.5+ years! We chatted for a few hours and probably could have gone on for way longer too. If you’re reading this Joc — I love you mi amiga and thank you for being such a great friend no matter the time away. I’m excited for what’s to come for the both of us and yes it’s going to happen! ;)
Starting the Neil Gaiman Master Class with Danny (he’s obsessed with him). I too now understand why… the man is a creative genius.
Drive to Napa with Danny and his parents on a perfectly sunny Sunday afternoon.
Journaling, spending more time in prayer and breath work.
Going into our local bookstore (Green Apple Books) and walking up to the customer service service area so ask if they had — Water, Wood, and Wild Things by Hannah Kirshner in-stock. When suddenly another employee over hears me and rushes over in excitement. He then proceeds to to tell me that he read the book and loved it so much and has been to Japan before too. We chatted for only a few minutes but I told him how much Japan is on my bucket list to visit one day so the book sparked my interest. Ending our convo with a smize under our masks and him handing over a copy to me and saying “I know you couldn’t make it to Japan just yet but I know you will love this book. Enjoy!” It was such a sweet little moment of mutual happiness and appreciation with a complete stranger. I loved it :)
Also picked up My Inner Sky: On Embracing Day, Night and All the Times In-between by Mari Andrew. I’m hooked! It literally speaks to my soul and how I’ve been feeling lately.
Trying out a new coffee shop called “The Coffee Movement” that’s super cute in the North Beach area of the city.
All things Phoebe Bridgers. Her music has been on heavy rotation in Casa de Kerr these days. Along with us watching all her interviews on Youtube. I love how quirky she is! Check out her music video for her song Kyoto for just a little taste of her music and vibe.
Planning a mini road trip up to Portland with Danny to go visit his cousin who just got a new house!
Had the opportunity to get vaccinated! Both Danny and I went together at the same time to get it done. :)
Looking forward to the next few weeks to continue my therapy sessions (although not a fan of crying… especially over zoom), healing, treatment, doing more things that bring me joy and re-focusing on what’s important in my life. It’s a little scary not fully knowing what’s next but trying to embrace this in-between space for now. Thanks for being here still and embracing my rambling while I go through this season of life. I hope you are all taking the time to check in with yourself too! I know things can feel and ARE very heavy in the world. But, here’s to taking things day by day and finding joy in the little things as much as possible. As always please know YOU are so loved!
